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| Navigational Art By Colleen Yorke, © 2015. |
As a court mediator, I occasionally
am given arguments following a reasoning that is analogous to a drunkard
looking for his keys beneath an illuminated lamppost, where he can see -
despite the fact that he lost the keys back in the parking lot. Behind this
seemingly intoxicated thought process however are other reasons.
For many of us, in order to move
forward, we must know what is waiting for us there. Control of the situation is
what establishes a measurement we use to manipulate the result of our actions.
The fear of the unknown and seemingly lack of control is what causes us to
resist exploring and entering new grounds. We work hard to find wise ways to
reduce risk, but there is magic in a bold approach to life. And being bold does
not mean being foolhardy. To be bold can be a sincere braveness to discover the
possibilities in life. Whether we lead hundreds or an army of one, we cannot
take that first step until we learn how to stop our fear of the unknown.
Today I am mediating between two sisters: A woman without a past. A woman desperately trying to hold on to hers. A resistance to novelty. And a shabby little house that can not contain the tangle of feelings buried inside. Although we all try to be upbeat and gloss over the anger and hurt of a shared past, if only for a day – we keep stumbling. Every conversation feels stilted, every memory holds a potential land mine, the distance between two people seems to have grown exponentially, leaving a gap that feels impossible to traverse. To rummage through the shards of a broken relationship to find pieces of convergence, to wander among a multitude, to understand, and to build bridges are among the goals of mediation.
Today I am mediating between two sisters: A woman without a past. A woman desperately trying to hold on to hers. A resistance to novelty. And a shabby little house that can not contain the tangle of feelings buried inside. Although we all try to be upbeat and gloss over the anger and hurt of a shared past, if only for a day – we keep stumbling. Every conversation feels stilted, every memory holds a potential land mine, the distance between two people seems to have grown exponentially, leaving a gap that feels impossible to traverse. To rummage through the shards of a broken relationship to find pieces of convergence, to wander among a multitude, to understand, and to build bridges are among the goals of mediation.
Opening ourselves up to a new idea
or a new way of thinking can be frightening, because it is by definition
unfamiliar. Anger, hurt, and broken trust are elements that can retain us from
moving forward (or sometimes taking a necessary step back). At one point or
other we all reflect on choices we made and those we didn’t make. The things we
should have done. Chances we missed. What we call the shoulda, woulda and
coulda of life. That what-might-have-beens.
Maybe that is why some of us love
running so much. We struggle and battle with hills and uneven sidewalks. We
enter trails in dark woods, not knowing where they lead. We push our pace to a
new personal record, and we keep up with some very breezy runners. While we
continue searching for the keys of our lives, running gives us some sense of
control and clarity. We venture into unknown territory, we get lost, and we
return feeling all the richer for it.
“I can't go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.”
